It’s hard to know how to start this. My mom asked me yesterday to pull the curtain back for all of you, reveal the reality of our situation. Since all of this started three years ago, she has been so transparent on here about the difficulties she is facing–the setbacks, her fears, the ways she copes. But when, on January 14th, we found out that the cancer had spread into her brain, our first reaction was to circle the wagons. This has always been her greatest fear. While her body has been ravaged by both the illness and the treatment for it in the last three years, her mind has been a safe space, free of disease, able to allow her to continue with her work, go on with her life as usual. She is a warrior, and physical pain is not unfamiliar to her. But this was something different. We pulled in close, and I was intentionally vague in my first post to you all at the end of January.
This week we asked for no visitors, because while the physical aspect of rehab is difficult, it’s the mental, the emotional, that is far more challenging. But she asked me yesterday to let down the barrier, to show the truth to you all, because we do want you to come visit. But you need to know that when you do, this is different than it ever has been before. This is the hardest thing she has dealt with, as someone who is no stranger to dealing with hard things. Many have commented in the past few years that she hasn’t ever really looked sick–that is no longer true. The pictures I posted earlier this week were taken at the beginning of her steroid boost, which lasted a few days and has now faded.
It’s terrifying to face this. There’s more to say in that regard, but I struggle to find the words to do so. Sometimes the fear and grief is overwhelming, for all of us. Some moments are better than others for her, and those are so, so precious.
The weekends are slow at Southern Hills, and are a good time to visit. Her therapy each day is intense, but generally over around 4. Please, as I requested before, text or call me before you come up. For now we will try to keep visits brief, to conserve her energy.
Emily
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“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9b
Cindy, you have been so very strong and courageous. I pray you will also not be afraid or overwhelmingly discouraged. Jesus is truly with you wherever you go. Continuing to send prayers and love your way for you and your family.
Cindy, please know that I am praying so hard for you and your precious family. I pray that God will give you the strength and comfort that you need at this time. There are so many friends and family members who love you and continuously pray for you.
I’m finding it so difficult to find the words … I hate this news. Cindy has been the pillar of strength for so many for so many years. It’s impossible to imagine this battle taking this turn. But God is sovereign. So we will trust His purpose and His timing. Cindy, you are loved and beloved. And I am grateful God let our paths overlap for these past 12 years. Your grace and generosity is inspirational. You have been an encourager for my children and so many others just when they needed it most. We will continue to pray for you and your family. And we will always be grateful for you. Lovingly, Joy.
Oh, my sweet sister (in-law). Just yesterday, I looked back at some of your postings and, as always, gained strength and desire for a higher level of relationship with my God. The God you have revealed to us through your, and now, Emily’s posts. Love you. Give James my love, please.
Just talked to your Dad, hon, you know I’m praying. For all of you, I did call and talked to Nancy and Walt. May God put His arms around all of you and us. I love you, Mamaw
We are continuing to lift you all up in prayer. Hoping you will feel His Peace and Presence especially during this time.
Love,
Julie Smothers
Oh, Emily . . . I am so saddened by this disheartening news. Life is so doggone tough but GOD is always there and always good. May all of you especially in the days ahead feel his presence and know how Loved the family is. I’m still out of town but will be in touch when I get home. Love, Connie
Thank you for letting us walk with you.
In prayer and hope in the One who overcame death.
He is stronger.
Words seem inadequate to express our gratitude for the gift of encouragement, hope,and light that you have so graciously given all of us. You have transparently and courageously allowed us to share in your journey. And still continue to do so. Cindy, you and your entire family are enveloped in prayers. Trusting God to hold you in the palm of His hand and continue to guide you step by step- as He has been faithful to do all along.. You are loved by Him and by all of us- so very, very many of us.