What I know and don’t know . . .

I know who has prepared the way before me.

I know that my scans on Thursday (July 3) at the end of cycle 8 showed enlargement of two of the three spots that they are tracking, one in my neck and one in my abdomen—and that’s not good.

I know that my C-125 cancer marker has been slowly but surely rising since the carboplatin influsion stopped before cycle 5 —and that happened because my platelet count had difficulty rebounding after treatment. (These cycles are supposed to be 21 days, but my cycle 4 lasted 35 days since my platelets didn’t recover until then.)

I know that the tumor in my neck has become more painful with each passing day—and I learned that’s because there are many nerve endings in that location.

I know that the area around my eyes began swelling on day 12-14 of cycle 7 and of cycle 8 and narrowed my field of vision significantly—and, seriously, made me look like the “before” picture of a woman needing a face lift! (They don’t think it has anything to do with the study drug, but if not, then I don’t know what’s the cause!)

I know that there are no clear answers right now, and I know that four possible options were discussed today:

• Continue the study drug and add the carbo back to the treatment (depends upon drug company approval).
• Radiate the neck for 5 days (depends again on drug company approval if I’m to continue with this study).
• Continue the study drug—and maybe the carbo—after radiation (again, depends upon approval).
• Discontinue this trial and see if another study drug trial would yield different results (there’s another one upcoming that is different but also targets the C-125 marker).

I don’t know what will happen next.

For the first time today, I left Sarah Cannon without a “next time” appointment because they don’t know yet what my “next time” will include. My oncologist is checking with the lead doctor at the drug company, who has my records, and discussing this with others, including my initial oncologist, who is also affiliated with  Tennessee Oncology. If radiation is next, it can’t be scheduled until two weeks after my last infusion and then the next infusion can’t be scheduled for another two weeks. If it’s adding carbo, then they’ll probably need two weeks to get approval. If it’s scratch this and try something else, then there’s a wait for qualifying and approval and for the next trial to begin.

I know that my confidence in my oncologist and in Sarah Cannon Research Institute is as solid as ever.

Most importantly, I know who holds my life in His hands, and I know that I will trust in His everlasting faithfulness.

What I know is enough and definitely more than what I don’t know.

If you can, please pray that what I know screams louder than what I don’t know and that I’ll rest in that truth—because I’m not there yet.

For we walk by faith and not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7, ESV)