I went to my appointment today hoping that my platelets would come close enough to 100,000 so that I could return on Wednesday or Thursday to try again to meet the protocol for a second treatment. I needed an increase of 19,000 for my 81,000 count to reach 100,000, but I didn’t expect that to happen. Looking back over all of my chemotherapy experiences so far, I have never gained that much while undergoing treatment, so I was merely hopeful I would be close.
Oh, ye of little faith.
Today my platelet count is 160,000, practically double what it was one short week ago. Double.
. . . Do you still not see or understand? . . . Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? (Mark 8:17-18)
Jesus was speaking to the disciples about their constant worry about not having enough bread, worry that persisted even after seeing Him feed the multitudes, but He is also speaking to me and maybe to you also. Another dear friend told me this morning that dealing with cancer gives new meaning to the phrase “taking things one day at a time.” I’ll add that it also gives new meaning to all of the scriptures I’ve quoted for almost two years, all of the phrases about staying in the moment, and all of the examples of His mercy and grace that family and friends have modeled for me since my life changed on February 17, 2012.
I wish that I didn’t need the reminders, but I am so very blessed that He is faithful to remind me that He is with me always. I want my eyes to see Him, my ears to hear Him, and my mind to understand and to remember His words. I want fear not to have a hold on my heart. I want to hold fast to the truth that it’s His presence that will make these things possible, not what He does with my cancer. I want to have faith in little pieces, in making the little choices to trust and to believe what doesn’t seem possible.
Double the platelet count. In one week. That hasn’t happened to me before.
Oh, at some point, maybe even at just one single point, may it be said of me, “Oh, ye of big faith…”
What are the next steps? Labs and oncology visits next two Mondays, CT scans on Friday, February 7, to determine the size of the tumors after two cycles (notice I did not write that the scans would show if tumors have grown or spread—see, I’m trying!), and results on Monday, February 10, with treatment scheduled to start cycle 3 on that same day.