Wednesday, June 27, is my 5th treatment day.
The days since treatment #4 have been a bit more challenging than the previous weeks have been. Breathing has been hard, and the heat has made that more difficult. I’m discovering how to use inhalers, which work for awhile, but then they don’t. Oh, well. Obviously, I’m still breathing, or I wouldn’t be here typing this post. Things are not dire, right?
I understand more and more how the effects of the chemotherapy are cumulative, resulting in fewer easy days and many more challenging ones. That’s okay. Cancer treatment is a day-by-day process and manageable only when the focus is on individual segments of each day. I keep reminding myself that this is the way I should handle my life because it keeps me closer to the One who has ordained my days before one of them came to be (see Psalm 139). I admit that I have needed more frequent reminders of that truth in the last three weeks, and I expect that to continue for each of the weeks remaining after the next two treatments.
What are some good things in my life right now? I’ve finally gotten comfortable enough with my bald head that I only wear my scarf or a hat if I am going out, which hasn’t been often in the last two weeks. I am spending most of my time inside, resting and working on school stuff—and, by the way, those two activities are compatible! When asked about the color of my hair, Abigail says “bald” and rubs my head, which I think is cute. James’s gardens are beautiful wherever I look outside our home, and he has been my bedrock through this experience. My girls have been supportive mostly by spending time with me. Dear, dear friends and family have prayed for me, sent notes and texts, made calls and stopped by for visits, and have faithfully reminded me that God hasn’t put me on hold while He attends to other matters. Don’t misunderstand me: they are not smothering me, but so many people regularly let me know that they love me and are trusting God with and for me during this time. How grateful I am for their love and care!
Since school has been out, my points of contact have diminished, and sometimes I struggle with keeping my focus on Him. My head knows what I should do, but my heart sometimes gets overwhelmed. Every single time that happens, however, someone reaches out, and I am reminded of truth. I will never forget what these sisters and brothers have given me.
Tomorrow I meet again with the pulmonologist after I have a pulmonary stress test. Then on Wednesday I expect to start treatment about 9:15 am and be finished around 1:30 or so, and the recovery process begins again.
Praise God from Whom all blessings flow.