cindytripp

shifting my perspective April 19, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — cindytripp @ 9:10 pm

My hair is starting to fall out, so tomorrow at school one of the coaches has volunteered to give me a buzz. I can’t wait.

How is that for an attention-grabbing introduction? Can you tell that I love to teach writing?

I’m 14 days after the first chemotherapy treatment and a week away from the second one. All things considered, I’m doing well. Of course, there are the expected side effects of the drugs and a weird kind of feeling that something is going on inside me, but it’s not as horrible as I feared it might be.

What’s changed for me this week is that I realized that my perspective on this process was a bit skewed. I’ve been trying to push on through, to get up and go to school, and to stay there until I couldn’t stay any longer. I haven’t really been taking medicines for the side effects, and so by the time I’d get home all I could do was crash all afternoon and evening, often sleeping for 16+ hours at a time.

Now I’m trying to be more intentional about what I do. I’m still working from home, but I’m not trying to do everything every day. I go to school to teach my class or for a meeting; otherwise, I’m home taking care of myself.

What I’ve realized is this: I am absolutely certain that healing will happen, but I don’t know which side of heaven that will be. I also am absolutely certain that I can’t mess up that healing because I’m trying too hard or not trying enough; well, sure,  I obviously could if I expose myself to infection or if I do the things that I’m told to avoid, but I’m not talking about that. What I’m saying is that I trust that God is at work in my life.

I do think that how I have been reacting has affected my family and friends. When I am hurting or not feeling well—and trying to act as if everything is just fine—they are concerned for me. They want to help, but they can’t since I won’t let them.

All I know is that I’ve felt better for the last few days. I’ve been treating the side effects and resting.

I hope that this perspective lasts. If I backslide, I also hope that those who love me will remind me of this post!

Now for the sentence to bring this entry to a close:

You can expect to see pictures and maybe even film of the big buzz tomorrow. Don’t worry, though, the event will come with a warning: Guys, do not do this on your own without your mother’s knowledge and specific permission!

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5 Responses to “shifting my perspective”

  1. Gary Scudder Says:

    There will definitely be healing but as you said you don’t know on which side. I had to reach that same conclusion. Praying for you daily

  2. Holly Pearson Says:

    You are such an amazing woman of faith. My heart hurts and rejoices at the same time when I read your posts. God is with you and working through you to touch all of our hearts. You are loved and prayed for every single day. Wish I could give you a hug in person. God bless you!
    Holly Fickett Pearson (86)

  3. Gina, David, Ben, Willa & Dora Stansell Says:

    Dear Cindy,
    Thank you for sharing your hope, grace and healing with us. I’m so thankful that we can count on Jesus to make all things new.
    I’ve been thinking about how when we’re young we want to change the world (now maybe we dream our children will) by being the best, the first, or the most important. But maybe our highest calling is to LIVE fully who we are in the place we are given, to be present in our present.
    I once apologized to a pastor because I couldn’t make an early morning Bible study because I was working (getting the kids breakfast, ready for school, driving them). He said that I was honoring God by recognizing my limitations. I was honoring God by recognizing my finiteness. What grace–that we can honor Infinity by living in our brokenness.
    Thank you for taking care of yourself. Thank you for writing and blessing us, and for being you. We are praying for you daily.

  4. Cathy Longeway Says:

    Cindy,

    Do you have a “port protector”? It is a pad that attaches to your seat belt to cushion your port so the seatbelt won’t rub it? I can get you one if you need it. Also, I have thermometer kits so I can get you plenty of those if you need some “extras”. Remember, as you take care of yourself, be sure to take your temperature often, even if you don’t feel like you have a fever, but just feel yucky. As your counts drop, you may be slower to develop a fever even if you are sick.

    OK, that was the nurse in me. It was more for me than anything. Like most people, I want to feel as if I can “help” and there isn’t really anything I can do but hold you in my thoughts and prayers. Believe me, I am doing that.

  5. Katie Says:

    Cindy, with hair or without (can’t wait to see your buzz), you are still the Cindy we all know and love very much. You will look wonderful no matter what. Wishing you great health ahead.


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