My hair is starting to fall out, so tomorrow at school one of the coaches has volunteered to give me a buzz. I can’t wait.
How is that for an attention-grabbing introduction? Can you tell that I love to teach writing?
I’m 14 days after the first chemotherapy treatment and a week away from the second one. All things considered, I’m doing well. Of course, there are the expected side effects of the drugs and a weird kind of feeling that something is going on inside me, but it’s not as horrible as I feared it might be.
What’s changed for me this week is that I realized that my perspective on this process was a bit skewed. I’ve been trying to push on through, to get up and go to school, and to stay there until I couldn’t stay any longer. I haven’t really been taking medicines for the side effects, and so by the time I’d get home all I could do was crash all afternoon and evening, often sleeping for 16+ hours at a time.
Now I’m trying to be more intentional about what I do. I’m still working from home, but I’m not trying to do everything every day. I go to school to teach my class or for a meeting; otherwise, I’m home taking care of myself.
What I’ve realized is this: I am absolutely certain that healing will happen, but I don’t know which side of heaven that will be. I also am absolutely certain that I can’t mess up that healing because I’m trying too hard or not trying enough; well, sure, I obviously could if I expose myself to infection or if I do the things that I’m told to avoid, but I’m not talking about that. What I’m saying is that I trust that God is at work in my life.
I do think that how I have been reacting has affected my family and friends. When I am hurting or not feeling well—and trying to act as if everything is just fine—they are concerned for me. They want to help, but they can’t since I won’t let them.
All I know is that I’ve felt better for the last few days. I’ve been treating the side effects and resting.
I hope that this perspective lasts. If I backslide, I also hope that those who love me will remind me of this post!
Now for the sentence to bring this entry to a close:
You can expect to see pictures and maybe even film of the big buzz tomorrow. Don’t worry, though, the event will come with a warning: Guys, do not do this on your own without your mother’s knowledge and specific permission!