This morning James and I met with the surgeon who will put in the port for chemo. The outpatient procedure is scheduled for Tuesday morning (tomorrow) at Williamson Medical Center, and I should be home by noon at the latest. Next up will be PET, brain, and abdominal/pelvic scans to see if the cancer has spread beyond the lungs. Right now they know the cancer has metastasized in both lungs, bronchial tubes, and lymph nodes around the tubes and lungs. I guess it’s not a pretty sight, so I am thankful that I can’t see inside.
I spent the weekend from the time of diagnosis on Friday afternoon with my family and a few friends. Each time that I told someone what had been discovered, it was as if I were talking about someone else. I kept saying to myself, this cannot be happening to me; there’s been a mistake; surely someone saw silly putty on those scans, not cancer.
Sending the emails on Sunday afternoon helped me realize that this diagnosis was all too true and that I needed to focus on the battle ahead. All of the notes and emails and comments have reminded me that I am not alone and that I can face whatever God has for me. Dr. George Mathews emailed to remind me of this truth: “You are the same as you were last month. Let not some information cause you to be in fear, because there is other information that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that He will give His angels charge over you.”
That’s where I am at this moment. I’m confident that the God who made me has given His angels charge over me. Nothing has changed in that regard, so there is nothing to fear. Whatever the results of the scans, whatever the treatment plan, God will not be surprised and I can rest in His provision for me. I appreciate your many kindnesses and affirmations because they have reminded me of God’s grace and mercy.